A conversation can save a life

A Conversation Can Change a Life

There was a period in my life when I caused real harm. I dismissed people’s needs. I manipulated situations to protect myself. I avoided responsibility, withdrew when things became difficult, and left others to carry the emotional weight of my actions. I hurt friends, mentors, colleagues, and a girl I genuinely loved — not through one moment, but through patterns I didn’t yet understand or didn’t want to face.

And when one of those people finally named what my behaviour had done, I didn’t meet it with maturity. I avoided the conversation. I hid behind a message because having a real, human exchange felt too confronting at the time.

That part of me existed. It still does. But another part chose to grow — slowly, honestly, and with support.

And that shift didn’t happen in isolation.
It happened through conversation.

Not comfortable conversation.
Not polished or performative conversation.
But steady, honest dialogue with people who could offer clarity and challenge alongside safety. People who helped me see the emotional patterns I was repeating — shaped by fear, old wounds, and habits I didn’t yet understand.

A coaching client once told me that sharing this side of myself matters — the side that isn’t cleaned up, the side that made harmful choices, the side that had to learn through discomfort. Their point stayed with me: people who cause harm rarely hear stories about what helped someone change. They only hear the harm. And sometimes seeing the whole arc can open the door to accountability, empathy, and growth.

There’s also a truth that has taken me a long time to name clearly.

For years, I related to people through what they could offer me.
In business, I treated people as assets rather than humans.
In my personal life, I used people to fill emotional gaps I didn’t yet know how to face alone.
I built connections on usefulness, not closeness.
I hadn’t learned how to form healthy bonds, so I didn’t.

Everything someone who is hurting might do — withdrawing, manipulating, deflecting, avoiding — I have done. And I’ve spent years trying to understand why, and how to be different.

I’m still learning.
I’m still changing.
But I’m committed to growing in ways that make my presence safer, steadier, and more human.

Coming through all of this taught me something important:
everyone deserves a chance to be understood — including people who have caused harm.

I know what it feels like to be written off because of your mistakes.
I know what it feels like to reach out and be denied.
I know how deeply that can shake your sense of self.
And I know how transformative it can be when someone chooses to stay in the conversation with you instead of closing the door.

None of this excuses the harm.
But it does acknowledge something essential:

People change when understanding becomes possible.

When someone feels safe enough to be honest.
When challenge is grounded, not aggressive.
When accountability is supported, not weaponised.

That’s why conversation matters so deeply to me.
Not because talking fixes everything — it doesn’t.
But because conversation creates the conditions where change can begin.

Sometimes, a steady, human conversation really can change a life.
And sometimes, it can help save one.